BayDad

Yes, fall has come upon the bay area, for whatever that means weather-wise.  Since the leaves don’t really change colors here, one of the best things to do is go and visit a Pumpkin Patch!

We went to Webb Ranch last weekend, and had a pretty good time.  Its a nice place, at the intersection of Alpine Rd. and Highway 280.  They’ve got a good selection of different styles of pumpkins, and a “U-Pick” area up on the hill that we didn’t really visit much.  It seemed like the best compromise between “authentic” and “not too far away”.  There are lots of local patches along El Camino, but its just doesn’t seem right to pick your pumpkin in a vacant lot betwen Arby’s and Jack In The Box.  Webb Ranch really fit the bill.

Other places you might consider, if you’re willing to drive farther:

• Useugi Farms (Palo Alto)
  
• Half Moon Bay (and Pumpkin Festival Weekend if you want a crowd)
• Spina Farms (San Jose)
  
• G&M Farms (Livermore)
• Joan’s Farm (Livermore)

Take a Kid Mountain Biking Day 2008!

We’ll be weekend tripping to Seattle, and I think 16 months is a bit young…

When I was speaking of high-society strollers, I clearly forgot to mention the Quinny.  Sheesh, what kind of parent am I, anyway?

(No, we have not bought this, and I believe that our current plan is to just re-use the Baby Trend Expedition that we’re currently mustering through with.  If the Expedition kicks the bucket, then we’ll just have to see.  Oh, did I say double stroller?  Whoops!)

Svan High Chair. Oh sweet bliss!

What I really want for our second kid is the Svan High Chair but a few things have to happen before thats possible:

1. We need to finish our kitchen remodel.
2. We need to justify junking or gifting away the Baby Trend Zanzibar Chair.
3. We need to resign to being “one of those parents” who buys expensive swedish-made highchairs.

Again, maybe my tact should be to just plead with Ikea to rip off this design and make something thats exactly the same but costs $39.99 and is named Svaan.

As we’re expecting our 2nd kid, one thing that I’m wondering is: “How can I be a better Dad the second time around?”

I mean, you might think that I’m beating myself up here, but really, its not like that.  I its more like:  I’ve been given the blessing of being able to raise a second child, so how could I do it differently?

The one thing that was really hard for me was the breastfeeding phase with Mr. Busy Belly.  He was quite a finicky eater, and as a Dad, it was really hard.  We were trying to not feed him formula too much, because that has the double-detrement of both reducing “supply” and getting baby used to the feel & speed of a bottle instead of “the real thing”.  There were times when he’d be crying, and my wife would be at her wits end, and I just didn’t know what to do.  This is the one thing that I think I could have been a better Dad, but I’m still puzzled as to what the right solution was, and I’m a bit nervous to have to go through it again.  I always felt that pumping+bottle was the only way I could really help out, but I also understood my wife’s aversion to the entire pumping situation, and I agree that it feels ridiculous to be pumping when there’s a hungry little person sleeping just feet away…

There are lots of other places where I feel I could have been better, but I also realize that having a second kid is going to be totally different.  Maybe my job this time will be to take Mr. Busy Bottom away for a few hours?  Maybe it’ll be the opposite and Mom will want to spend time with the “big kid”.  Maybe its something new entirely?

So, fellow Dads, what did you do to get through that breastfeeding phase?  You know what I mean — its that time when baby is off-limits, where you have to tread litely and watch what you’re saying.  A misplaced “I think he might be hungry” and you’ll get quite an earful…   And whats it like having a second (or third?)  How does the role of “Dad” change for the first 3 months?  How’d you make it through, and what can I do to prepare?

One of the problems that we have in our house is all the marginally useful junk that we’ve collected in the last 15 months that we just ‘keep using’ for some reason.

The thing that comes to mind is the Baby Trend Zanzibar High Chair.  I think we got it as a gift, so please don’t take offense from what I’m about to say, but I’ve come to basically hate this chair.  If you haven’t bought one, here’s what you should look for in a high chair:

1. Easy to clean.  No fabric at all would be perfect.  Easy to remove fabric would be okay. Being able to put the whole thing in the dishwasher is even better.
2. Baby sits upright.  No reclining.  He/she should sit, using their own power, in an upright position.  I don’t know why this strikes me as so wrong, but it really does.
3. No complicated mechanisms.  Remember: You’re going to be dealing with a squirming wiggling writhing mass of baby, pureed yams, milk and cheerios.  You don’t want to be fussing with levers and switches when getting baby in and out.
4. Lets baby sit “at the table” like an adult.  This will make baby happy, and give you a way to transition him/her to being a real “table sitter” later in life.

So, the funny thing is that we also own one of these Fisher Price Healthy Care Booster Seats, and it absolutely fits the bill.

I’ve been wondering why we don’t just use the Fisher Price one all the time.  Its a better chair, Mr. Busy Belly likes it better, and it fits every chair in the house, so we can use it at the dining room, outside, or wherever.  Its easy to clean (plastic!) and helps keep him upright all the time. I think its just that we wouldn’t know what to do with the Baby Trend high chair if we decided not to use it.

And, that leads me to my real pont:  What do you do with all the useless junk that you keep using?  We’ve got so many toys that Mr. Busy Builder doesn’t really like anymore, or that’s either too young for him, or too old for him.  We’ve got all kinds of things like play mats and motorized swings and daiper wipe warming boxes, and I just don’t know what to do with it.

Much of it came to us as gifts from friends & relatives, and some as hand-me-downs from our other friends with older kids, but not there’s so much stuff that we basically have a whole room overflowing with unused baby junk.

What do you do with this stuff?  What if you’re having another kid?  Did you reuse it all?  Are there things that just aren’t good the second time around?  What about all that stuff that seemed like a nice present, but is now just taking up space in your crowded house?  Help!  I’m buried in baby junk!

My wife and I have always struggled over something really simple:  The changing table.

I come from the point of that says:  When I’m dealing with baby poo, I want things to be very functional and usable.   Easy access to wipes & diapers is paramount.  I don’t care what it looks like.

My wife says: All changing tables are ugly and I wish we didn’t have to have one in his room, so what’s the minimum we can do to get by?

Of course, I’m exaggerating a bit, but you get the picture.  I saw on Daddy Types this Kawa wall-mounted changing table, and I think it looks great:

We certainly can’t justify the EUR 269 price (nearly $400 USD), but boy, I’m just waiting for Ikea to copy this design, and sell it for $39.99, and we’re set!

Here in the Bay Area, there are a couple really common places to have your kids.  And by ‘have’ I mean ‘give birth to’.  El Camino Hospital, or ECH, is one of the more common ones.  It seems to have the right combination of good facilities, good doctors, and is close to our home, so we don’t have to go far when the time comes.

So, we’re planning our second stay at ECH.  For those of you who don’t know me — this means we’re expecting our second kid!  Huzzah!

Although, I’m sure its going to be different the second time around.   Mr. B is going to be 20 months old when the little one arrives, and we’re certainly going to have our hands free for a little while.  But, I still can’t help thinking:  What would I like to do differently?  How could the process have gone more smoothly?  What should I have done differently?

With Mr. B around, I’m not really sure how things are going to work out.  I don’t think I’ll be sleeping at the hospital like I did last time — since I’m not sure that Mr. B would really understand whats going on and what’s needed of him.

Do any of you out there have ideas about how to make the ECH experience as good as it can be?  Are there any tricks?  Here are the things we learned on our stay:

• The weird refrigerator-looking thingy is actually full of warm blankets for mommy & baby
• If you don’t like your delivery nurse, then you can kindly ask to see another.
• Nurses seem to be on 4 or 8 hour shifts anyway, so you’ll likely have several nurses.
• It’s unlikely that your wife’s doctor will actually be there for the birth.  Get yourself mentally prepared to have a doctor you’ve never met come in, deliver your baby, and walk out.
• They’re going to give your kid a pacifier unless you really tell them not to, and even then, they may still do it. (Mr. B came back from the nursery with a pacifier in his little cart several times…)
• That baby heart rate monitor thing is a huge pain in the ass.  You can ask for a wireless version, and if it’s not in use, they’ll bring it in for you.
• The most comfortable place for dads to sleep is likely out on the couch, not in the room.  This is especially true if you’re not in a private room.
• Your new kid will be visited by several pediatricians while you’re in the hospital.  This is a good time to figure out who you like, and think about choosing them as your regular pediatrician, if you don’t have someone already lined up.
• Jaundice is common. Ugh.  I could go on and on about this one.
• Hospital food isn’t as bad as you thought, but it does get tiring pretty quickly.  The best entrees at ECH were the Indian food selections.
• Lots of other advice for Moms to be that I don’t really feel like it’s appropriate to share here…

What about dealing with the second kid?  How’d you handle that?  Were there grandparents involved, or did you do it by yourself?  Inquiring minds want to know!

After reading BayDad Zeigen’s post “The Web 2.0 dilemma: Public vs. personal personas” I thought I’d pose this question to the other Dads out there:

What do you do about your children?  I’ve certainly met other dads that say things like: “It’s okay if you put that picture of my kid on the Internet, just don’t use my name or his name.”  I also know there are other BayDads and BayMoms that use pseudonyms for their kids.

You may have noticed that just after starting BayDad, I changed all references to my son’s real name to things like “Mr. Busy” or “Mr. B.”  It’s a nickname that I came up with after having him in backup daycare for a week.  They used to always circle the adjective “Busy” to describe how he was behaving that day.   So, now he’s Mr. Busy.

I’m actually not that privacy-minded, and I think that only my friends and family will ever read this, and I don’t think its really huge deal if you know his real name.

But, the argument can be made that an archive of this page will exist on some other server forever, and that he may not want his name associated with these posts.  He may grow up to be a politician or big executive.  What do you think McCain or Obama would think if they had well-publicized baby photos and essays by their parents available on the Internet?

I think the next decades are going to be a brave and interesting time.  College kids are sharing their entire lives and real names on Facebook.  Whats going to happen when these kids are the power-executives and politicians of tomorrow?  How much dirt will we be able to find on Google about the presidential elections in 2048?

Do you feel like you have an obligation to keep your kids’ anonymity on the Internet?  Why or why not?

This BayDad has a secret.  He’s spending his evening alone writing an entire week’s worth of posts, and setting the publishing dates in the future so they show up one per day.

Pretty sneaky!